Missing my Dad on Father's Day

Well, Father's Day was yesterday, but I didn't get on the computer AT ALL as part of my "gift" to my wonderful hubster, he heh.

my dad as a toddler in the 50's

(my dad's dad, Grandpa James Alton Smith, who also died of leukemia before I was born).

But I did want to write a little about my Dad. He was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphacitic Leukemia when I was 6 months old. He underwent 2 bone marrow transplants, complete sterilized isolation, various rounds of chemo and radiation, a spleenectomy... He then developed squamous cell carcenoma in the face from his radiation poisoning throughout the years. He had almost all of his teeth removed, bones in his face removed as well as his upper palate in his mouth. He had exposed bone in his cheek that he covered with a thin gauze until he was healthy enough to receive a skin graft to patch the hole up that his skull peeked through.

He was fed through a feeding tube in his stomach for a couple of years and I still remember hearing him scream from the hospital waiting room the day he had it removed. So many memories. 14 different times, we were told as a family to go home and prepare funeral arrangements. 14 times.

His body was his worst enemy, a total wreck. He went almost completely blind, couldn't hardly speak, he couldn't go in the sunlight, walk, read... which was so sad because he loved outdoor sports like hiking and he was an avid reader and talker/jokester. He endured vigorous and painful excersizes to restretch his mouth with a large rubber mouth block, so he could speak a little. His frail frame wasted away. His eyes were uneven, food sprang from them like tears when he attempted to eat. He considered having one of them removed. Some people stared, even adults who knew better laughed at his Frankenstein like face, for it was horribly disfigured from all the bone removal and skin grafts over much of it. Wretched people, he didn't choose this!

But he kept on. He caught when doctors misdiagnosed him several times because he did his own studying (before the days of easy internet research.) He broke isolation by leaving his sterilized room (which can be fatal for a zero immune system patient after a bone marrow transplant) because the nurses wouldn't check him that his lungs were filling up with fluid... had he not taken that step, he would have drowned and died within minutes. He could barely lift his head or finger, he was so weak, but he knew he had to somehow get out of the bed, walk across the room and open the door to save his life. He did, then collapsed on the tile floor.

southern boy superhero... this pic was made into a sculpture by midnight orange here

He continued writing poems and songs, he told jokes and was a master storyteller, even volunteering at children's camps. He dressed up in clown costumes and did cartwheels to make THEM feel better. He loved God and trusted in his plan, never cursed him or asked "Why me?". He accepted his challenge with fate and learned from him, perfected himself because of it throguh Christ's example. He continued on his spiritual journey and inspired so many through his struggles and sunny outlook. He was a total refined and perfected being.

Perfected as in complete, whole.

 my dad, who was a Ranger, sharp shooter and 2nd lieutenant, in this ROTC at BYU pic around 1976

His last email to the family he wrote was, "I am going to have this thing beat in June." He died June 1st 2002, and so, he DID beat it in June. His beautiful spirit was no longer confined by a broken and agonizing painfully weakened body. A nurse injected him with a dirty needle and he got MRSA in the blood. It happened at the VA... many many many horrible things happen at the VA, news and lawsuit worthy things, but you can't sue the government. His end came in the same hospital that I later delivered my two children in. I was in Utah at the time of his death. My mother called me with the news and I was in denial. I flew home to say goodbye and never looked back. His death changed me for the better, as I strive to live up to his example if I can.

he was always so cute, with such a happy grin and bright eyes

I love you and miss you, you would love my husband, you would be the best father in law and grandfather. But I know that you escorted my children's spirits here, I know you were there on my wedding day and I know you watch out for us. I love you and will see you again Daddy!

my sis, homecoming queen, my dad, and me, 1998

The Little Memorial Shell

I love this shell. I grew up with it and for some reason, I took it when I moved out. I don't even remember doing it. I wonder if my mom misses it? There is no significance behind this shell that I can remember.

I can't remember if it came from a store, or if it came from a beach in Hawaii. But, it holds a special place in my heart. You see, there is a picture of my dad holding a Tritan Trumpet shell that he found scuba diving when we lived in Hawaii, he was a very young man. He is holding the shell, with a huge smile on his face, and someone in the picture is wearing a striped shirt... striped almost exactly like this shell. I need to find this picture.

So, in my slightly ocd, facts connecting mind, this shell reminds me of my dad. And I will always treasure it.

Do you have any objects that aren't actually heirlooms, but you treat them as such anyways because of feelings they produce for obscure reasons?

Vintage Toy Museum Bedroom

There is a blog called IMNC with lost of simple inspirations that I found recently. He has a lot of Asian indie film and technical video posts and such that are very interesting. Maybe I'm drawn to it in part because my dad lived in China for a few years and so I have always been fascinated by that culture. I appreciate her dedication posts to her mum as well, since I also lost my dad to cancer several years ago.

But I love his room. A vintage toy museum as he calls it, perfect. It's organized chaos it seems, yet the white walls and bedding and simple shelving makes it work. Visit the link to see larger picture of the collections.

Also, if you love this, you will enjoy visiting the Geek dress up party post too.

Family Time: Jumping on the Bed Gets You Closer to God

This weekend I visited my local antique mall and brought my camera! I have over 200 amazing photos to share with you and will be posting the best of the best this week, so do come back! (click on photos for larger view)


Mommy: (blow drying hair)
3 yr old: (jumping on mommy's bed)
Mommy: (putting on make-up)
3 yr old: I love Jesus
Mommy: You do? How come?
3 yr old: He loves me. He lives up high! (pointing to the sky)
Mommy: He does?
3 year old: Yeah, but he lives on Earth, too.
Mommy: uh-huh
3 year old: I'm going to die someday
Mommy: (silence)
3 year old: But it's okay because Jesus loves me.
Mommy: He does. I love you too!
3 year old: You're silly mommy
Mommy: (continues putting on make-up)
3 year old: (screaming contest with little brother ensues)



I try not to ask leading questions so I can see where my son goes with these conversations. He really likes to talk about God and the wonders of the Earth. I hope it never stops.



I know this letter has been around for a while, but I read it and it was a reminder that we should never underestimate our children. We should teach them that it is okay to not always agree, and to question authority at times lest something like this awful thing happens to them (video here, but don't watch if you upset easily. For a rundown sparring the details, in the video, the abused young girl says she did was she was told by the abuser because her parents taught her to never question what an adult told her to do).



Some day our precious little ones will grow up and may possibly rebel or go through other hardships and make our hearts ache, but that doesn't mean we can't open up our arms to them in those rough times. We have to remember, that if we do our part, they have to be trusted to eventually make their own decisions. I believe, that at a young age, a child can be led by the Spirit, as they are closer to the veil than we are. But as we age and we harden and the world bears down upon our children, we as parents and adults in general have to help guide our young. As the Prophet Joseph Smith once said, “I teach them {the children} correct principles, and they govern themselves." I love this talk, "Teaching Children to Govern Themselves" on the subject.



That has always been my goal, and just as long as my children know that I love them and want what is best for them, everything will be alright in the end if we keep our family strong. What is your goal when fostering your children up in this world?



Look at all of these Mormon related coloring pages and these non-denominational Christian pages I found for little ones. Great to keep them occupied in church instead of coloring in a Disney or dinosaur book!

Earrings Giveaway!

I thought I would give you a glimpse into my life. I graduated high school in 1999. Moved away to go to college, hated it, went to the Paul Mitchell Academy of Hair Design instead, graduated in 2001, and I have been doing college off and on ever since. I decided to do beauty school, because my dad's health was very poor, and I knew I wouldn't be able to finish college before I would have to return home to take care of my mom, so I needed a back up plan. Sure enough, I was right, so having the license was a nice thing to fall back on.



While I was in beauty school, I did some crazy hair dos, got my eyebrows tattooed (a post on obtaining perfect eyebrows will come later), I was on the design team and got to design for some runway shows, and I even participated in photo shoots, one of which was even published. (Interestingly, I was chosen to participate in an elect study, where we were given extra education and entertainment, and I even got to take a metalsmith class at the Sundance resort with a group of amazing stylists!)

On the photo shoots, I cut/colored the hair that I designed, created the outfits/pose and did the make-up all myself! So, here is the deal. I am going to post a photo of my crazy hair days and 4 shots of my photo shoots. YOU guess which is the that was published. I will write down who is right and randomly draw the names out of a bag next week. Be sure to post contact info in your guess so I will know how to contact the winner. You will win this pair of vintage Indian charm earrings that are perfect for fall or a Christmas gift!! Read HERE for info on these earrings.


Also, I have taught classes on beauty tips such as skin care, make-up, hair care, dressing... and I thought I would start doing a weekly post on some tips. Please let me know what area you would like to see covered. Feel free to ask questions, even detailed ones and I will be sure to answer them.

Photo 1 (black and white with 2 models (yes, I am the platinum blonde with the extremely narrow eyebrows, I was not supposed to be in the shot, but coersed by some onlookers):



Photo 2 (male model with the blue black hair)



Photo 3 (twisted burgandy hair with warm copper highlights)


Photo 4 (shattered, choppy layers) Factoid. I created this cut. About a month later, a celebrity stylist came to our school to teach us this revolutionary new cut, that looked extremely similar to this one!


xo
Lisa

Sweet Treats: Pineapple Upside Down Cake

One of my favorite desserts. Reminds me of my childhood, my dad's favorite.
Simple to make, pretty to look at, almost like a comfort food for the sweet tooth.

Heart warming. especially when adorned with a little crape myrtle cutting.

What is your favorite dessert? Is there a reason other than simply how it tastes?

Memorial Day

 *my Grandpa Jack, who served in the Korean War and did a lot of guard duty (running joke)*

We were at a little restaurant and saw an elderly man wearing his retired vet hat with all of is service info on it. My husband went up to him and asked about it. He told us he was a front line infantryman in both Nazi Germany and the Korean War. A very nice, quiet and kind man, with a subtle pride and humbleness. We gave him our thanks and shook his hand. He and his wife were touched... so were we.

 *my little brother Jae, in special ops in aviation electronics, on the way to bootcamp*

So, a giant, respectful hug and thank you to the men and women who have served, and are currently serving in the military. For those who have died, those who have been injured, those who have experienced things we could never imagine and gave up some of their freedoms, so that we could have ours. A thank you to the husbands, wives, parents and children of those who say goodbye to their loved ones and wait every day to hear if they are safe.

 *my dad, who was a Ranger, sharp shooter and 2nd lieutenant, in this ROTC at BYU pic around 1976*

No matter what our personal opinions are about certain conflicts and politics, we should at the very least recognize that there are people willing to leave their families, homes, and comfort in order with the possibility of tragic ends in order to do what they feel is best for our country.

So, I salute you and hope and pray, that wherever you are in this world, that you and your family have peace.

* You may be surprised to know, that when I was 17 or 18, I was in the process of signing up for the military. I was home alone, with the recruiter sitting at my kitchen table, laptop out and I was taking some type of an entrance exam and filling out paperwork. Then, my mom walked in the door, started freaking out... and that was the end of that. Interesting how my life would have been so different had I joined.

**A few years ago, I was starting to write a book on the stories of these heroes before they passed on, never to have their stories told. I was preparing to go and interview veterans at the VA hospitals and nursing homes. Perhaps I will pick up this project again one we are settled, as time is running out. Remembering the past has always been very important to me, (many ladies played an important part as well).. Years ago, when my father was receiving treatment at the VA, we met Dan Illerich who was rescued by headhunters after being shot down in WWII, and were fascinated by his story. You can watch his story here, or see the image gallery here of the story that just aired on pbs the other day, to our surprise.

***For interesting reading, you may enjoy the short starvation experiment log by Lester Glick, that occurred in the University of Minnesota starvation experiment in 1944. 

Leaving

apartment therapy

I am leaving in the morning for a little vacation.

It is my mom's 35th high school reunion and I am her date. It will be an 8-10 hour drive and we leave in about 8 hours. I have not packed. My laundry is on the bed waiting for my tired hands to fold them, hang them up, decide which of my cottony, heathered loves will be my roadtrip companions...



Which grey shirt do I bring... which do I leave? Over half of my shirts are grey... well, I take that back, the other half are gray (did you see what I did there?)

Well, I am feeling grey, and gray.


gray ruffle top by lirola

I can't decide if I should take the little chitlens with me. Do I leave them? My hubs offered to watch them both so I could get away. My first thought, "ca-CHING!" "oh, how liberating!" He explains, "I would love to experience being a full time stay at home dad by myself for a couple of days". {swoon}

Do I deprive him of that opportunity? (esp since the dishwasher is broken?)


sadie olive photography... awe!

To be fair on both of us, we worked out that I would take the older since he would enjoy seeing the great grandparents, and the younger would stay with hubs. So, while putting the younger down in the crib tonight, I could barely let him go knowing I wouldn't see him awake again until Monday! No!!!!!

Well, I have to pack and then I have to go to sleep, and wake up early and prepare food and such for the drive. How am I to pack when I don't even know if I will be taking a child with me? My husband keeps telling me, sweetly, softly... hintingly... "uh, honey... don't you need to go pack, it's 11:20pm?"

Such a tough decision. I suppose, we shall see in the morning. It will be a parting of many hugs and kisses.


pillows by emily peacock tapestry

See you all on Monday!