Living Authentically



So, where to begin? Last year, I shared with you about the decision to divorce. We went back and forth for months but finally decided it was right, on our 10 year anniversary. Once we left our "church", a whole world of pain and possibilities and regrets opened up into our world. We realized our entire lives were based on a cultish lie and that really does something painful to a person's mindset. We thought we were strong enough to withstand it. But life has a funny way of sweeping you away and forcing you to look straight at the problems, which was especially hard for my husband who ended up going through an early mid-life crisis. It became this unhealthy, traumatic thing that could no longer continue as it unraveled layers of pain. It was a year of immense tragedy. So, it had to end, so that we could both find healing. We both deserve healing.

Trying to figure it out, as a new single mom of 3, how to support my family, how to gain control. Being a stay at home mom for the majority of my adult life gave very little hope of earning potential to do this. I worked three jobs at one point just to be able to move out of my house. I drowned sorrow in the horrific world of dating. We had just moved across the country with zero support system or network in the area and it seemed that was the only way to meet people. To make matters worse, leaving our church and getting a divorce meant that our entire social network within our church shunned us, family disowned us and friends chose sides between us. Many only saw the outside of a happy marriage and didn't look at the truth of it's demise, and I didn't want to do any mud slinging to protect my image. I recognize we both had to grow and were operating out of a place of pain. So really, I've been negotiating this world alone. I did meet a great person that turned into an amazing relationship but that didn't work out, so I've mostly been nursing my wounds and feeling basically, like a piece of garbage that is so easily thrown away by so many.

So at this point, I'm really just working hard on myself and my children's happiness. It hasn't been easy, but we are resilient. Finding new ways to connect and help them feel loved and stable sharing two homes. Brushing up on skills and embarking on a new career and seeing where life takes me has been my only sight of hope. I know so many people share similar stories of starting over and that's the only reason I share a very brief version of what happened in my life. I can say that every day is a struggle, but I am determined to be deeply happy, naysayers be damned. I still don't know how to drown out the pain that I feel during quiet moments, but it's something that I am actively working on. I won't have much time to share my home decorations and crafts like I used to love to do here on my blog, but I hope that through writing and finding other pieces of beauty to share, that healing will come in time, for myself and for readers alike.

People ask, if you hadn't left the church, you would still have your marriage, you wouldn't be going through all of this additional hardship. Would you still make the choice if you could to leave? And while that may be true, I would rather live an authentic life of truth. I found out the truth of the church as I was very actively defending it. Through thousands of hours of intense study, prayer and research, I realized I had been lied to and ensnared by a religion I once thought I loved and devoted my whole life to. There is hidden pain in the church that members don't speak of, many don't recognize it because there is a learned repression of cognitive dissonance and fear of spiritual manipulation of losing your eternal family and soul if you question it. So when members *do* discover it, it's an earthshattering pain to realize you have sacrificed your entire life for a huge, hurtful lie... but living under the banner of truth and the ability to finally think for myself... that's worth everything. I am mostly happy that I discovered the truth and escaped the cult before it entangled my children's lives. They were hurt by it too, but in their youth, they are able to heal more quickly. It's been so freeing, painful, but freeing and being free yields a calm peacefulness inside my soul that I never had before. The journey out of the church was difficult, but the inner peace and happiness I feel as a woman of honor and truth replaced any false happiness the church claimed to provide.

Are you a Mormon, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that is also having questions and deep doubts about it's truth claims and policies that are causing pain to people? Do you want to do your own research? Feel free to contact me and/or visit here. These
sites are all extremely well researched, sincere and not "anti".

 Mormon Think
CES Letter
Ask Reality - I suggest watching his videos 1-8 in that order
BBC Special with Jeffrey R Holland
Cult Education Institute - 10 Signs of a Cult - I read this list as a Mormon and didn't see how what they said was dangerous. After years of heavy research and allowing myself to look at it with a discerning eye, it terrified me to see all the warning signs exist in this religion.

Homefront: Easter Mantel

 It feels like it's been a very long since since a mantel post, but really, it was only since the Valentine's mantel... I've probably changed it already about 4 times since then. But for some reason I only did the Easter mantel today... crazy late for me. I haven't posted a single Easter idea post this year. Here's last years Easter mantel, for reference sake. And though, personally, I'm less of a bright bunny rabbit, chicky Easter type gal, and more of a neutral and lovely, Lettered Cottage Spring decor girl, but I do it for the kids. They just love the holiday mantel changes, and it is growing on me as well.

I got this little big guy for $7.. he's adorable!

I think I've been so excited about seeing the Gregory Brothers/Auto Tune the News/ Schmoyoho for my birthday tonight that I haven't been thinking clearly. It's funny, the last concert I went to was on my 21st bday.

For Easter this year, we are doing a long church activity, complete with a little church field trip to our local temple and do some temple work as well. I really think it's going to be a wonderful experience and will help balance the spiritual side of Easter with the chocolate bunnies, colored eggs and jellybeans side.

 my favorite vintage bunny

 "He is not here, for He has risen, as He said." Matthew 28:6

“In our hour of deepest sorrow, we can receive profound peace from the words of the angel that first Easter morning: ‘He is not here: for he is risen.’”

“As one of His special witnesses on earth today, this glorious Easter Sunday, I declare that this is true, in His sacred name—even the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior—amen.”
—President Thomas S. Monson

Read, watch, or listen to President Monson’s April 2010 conference address “He Is Risen!”
You can also view the list of scriptures referenced in this video.

Faith, Hope and Charity

Jordan River Temple print by Hiya Papaya

While my weekends are usually crazy, aside from my child's little soccer game, most of our weekend was spent watching The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints semi-annual General Conference. Twice a year, in April and October, the members all over the world  gather to listen to our church leaders, who are divinely appointed apostles and prophets speak to us. Their talks are so inspiring, they help us see how to be stronger, better people and issue moments of warning at the same time, yet they are always full of love, hope and sincerity. I always listen intently with much faith and reverance am never disappointed. Not to mention the legendary Mormon Tabernacle choir singing, moves me to tears almost every time.

 together forever print by sugarfresh

I loved the talk by Richard G Scott's. He speaks about his family being together forever and how to strengthen family ties and marriages. Which was so touching to hear as he not only lost his wife recently, but two of his children, one of them as an infant while he was a young man. His little stories of his marital antics are so sweet.

search ponder and pray print by sugarfresh

 Another one of my favorite talks was Jeffrey R. Holland's. He explains what General Conference his and how it is divinely inspired (around the 3 min mark), and how God truly lives and communicates with us today. It was so powerful, but his always are.

Salt Lake City Temple print by katies clicks

Our prophet, President Thomas S. Monson, spoke 5 talks this conference, that can be accessed here. There is also so much love in his voice, and he always has the best stories. I truly have a testimony that he and the other men and women called in these positions in the church are truly inspired by God, and that they communicate His messages. While I know there is a lot of misinformation about our faith in the world, my heart knows of it's truthfulness, and that God truly has a plan for each and every one of us. Past conferences, since 1974 can be seen here.

Live in Thanksgiving Daily

 Well, the Thanksgiving week is upon us, and that means it's time to show my Thanksgiving mantle. I really loved and prefer my crisp white fall mantle, that changed swiftly to the Halloween mantle, and I left a few pieces out for this.  Some may wonder why I excessively change my mantle. Well, it's one of the only surfaces in my home that I have that I can put decor on, and so there it is. Plus, I just love to rearrange and be creative, and I bore easily of seeing the same thing up there too many weeks in a row.

Well, my sis and her 4 boys will be joining my hubs, mom, my 2 boys and myself for the weekend, and we are so happy to see them. Isn't that what Thanksgiving is all about?? Taking the time to reflect on what is important and deciding to make a change to enjoy those things a little more. 

May your pies be yummy, your bellies be stuffed and your homes filled with warmth, love and laughter. I love love love this short little video of learning to see and appreciate those little things, and live in thanksgiving daily:

Here is a cute little video of random people on the streets of New York City sharing a variety of grateful responses to one simple question: What are you thankful for?

Homefront: Shabby White and Bunny Easter Mantel

Some of us have so much stuff we want, no *need* to decorate with, it can get a little daunting.

I have had these adorable blue bunny peeps lights and never know what to do with them. So, I put them around the mirror. I left up other pieces like all those letters and an aqua vase) for character and color.

But, it was just, too much. So much stuff ones eye doesn't know where to rest. The details get lost.

So, I took some stuff down, put it back in my Easter decorating box and maybe I'll use them somewhere else, maybe not, but I'm not stressing it. I encourage you to remove ONE thing from your mantle to see if there is any kind of marked improvement. I still may remove some things, we'll see.

But at least, the mantle looks much more simple. It's still a little busy, and taking it all in sections is easier, but I can enjoy the pieces together as a whole for what they are. Layla of The Lettered Cottage and Nester both have some great mantle tips and so does Kimba where I'm linking my post at A Soft Place to Land! Also linking at a to z "ready set vingette" and Life as Lori.

Amongst the eggs and bunnies, you can still see that I am trying to keep the true theme, the resurrection of our Saviour, the Son of God, Jesus Christ. The central reminder in our home with a little bust of Him and a plaque of the empty tomb. I've been considering giving that plaque a light white wash of paint, what do you think? This minty green chandalier, used to be a very brassy tarnished one. I lightly sanded, cleaned and painted it.

In any case, I hope your Easter is lovely and that you have an enjoyable and a spiritual day.

Along with lots of candy, spending time with family and hunting eggs, we will be watching one of my favorite Atonement movies, Finding Faith in Christ. It always helps me to feel the Spirit and have love and appreciation for the Savior. You can order a free copy of the DVD here or watch it in full here. This little video below has a few small scenes.

Oh, and for all of you wondering, this was my "Easter mantel shelf" from last year.

*Also posted at Vixen Made, thank you!

Let Us Be Men

I just read the story of Carol Decker for the first time today. You can read updates at their blog.

Almost one year ago today, Carol had an emergency ceasarian section to deliver her second baby, Safiya. Due to severe complications from hypertension from septic pneumonia, arteries to both her legs, one arm and her eyes blocked her circulation that forced amputations. Carol had both her leg's below the knees amputated, her left arm below the elbow amputated, her right ring finger amputated; and is now blind. All of that is due to ischemia from vasopressive drugs used to keep her blood pressure high enough to survive.



Carol now struggles with multiple surgeries, prosthetics complications, blindness, pain, learning to move again and being a young mother to two young little girls. She has a supportive husband who blogs about their progress, helps her function and even does her make-up. Now the Deckers are faced with medical expenses over the 2 million dollar mark and any help or words of love is always appreciated. Please see the this video from KOMO news, it is an amazing story.

I hope we all today, can be a little more thankful for what we do have in this world. That we can share a little bit of hope, prayer and service to those in need.

Carol's story and her supportive husband reminded me of this video about being a "real man". Elder D. Todd Christofferson, shares a touching personal experience and exhorts men to live by the attributes of true, Christlike manhood in this segment entitled "Let Us Be Men".



I hope you find yourselves uplifted today.

A Little Revamping

While my last post was on purging (and gaining) accessories for our home, today's post is on purging and gaining attitudes and activities for our lives.

Every so often, we decide that something has to change, even if just by a small measure. The full potential of happiness that a family can share together isn't happening as much as it could be in so many homes. Good, educational and bonding activities have been pushed to the side and have been firmly placed with forms of media, work, people who bring a negative shadow to your life, stress, mind numbing addictions... every now and then it is time to decide what needs to be lessened in the home.



Hours, timelines and rules often need to be set on the internet, cell phone and the video games usage.

By purging certain activities,we have more room for learning and growth as individuals and families. Less frustration with lagging controllers, frustrated gaming, slow modems, keeping up with other's updates and your own clever updates, deciphering texts, weary eyes and carpal tunnel, bored and lonely kids, sad,lonely and angry partners. All things that can be changed with a press of a button. A willingness to change.



There are too many important things in this life... Why would anyone want to throw those away on something that will not mean anything in the end?

"The American Journal of Psychiatry published an editorial claiming that internet addiction met the criterion for a mental disorder and called on the American Psychiatric Association to officially list it as such", read about it HERE.


The Quarantined

Are you interested in your family's internet/twitter/facebook/blogging/gaming/texting addiction level? Rob Kalin "rokali", former Etsy ceo and Etsy creator posted the link in the forums to this internet addiction test. Answer honestly!



We as a family have decided to put on the pause button in a major life changing way so that we can open our eyes and see what is missing. With all of our free time and cleared heads, there will be more time for creating lasting memories that matter.


There is no device connected

If you are looking to make changes in your media addicted family, please check out this news article and the video game widow's site, GamingSucks.com. It can be a long, lonely and painful journey, but it is one that must be taken. If you need further inspiration from a more spiritual source that may help you see the core of the problem, then check out this wonderful talk by David Bednar entitled "Things As They Really Are". text version, video version, audio versions.


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Egg Swap and Words to Live By

Today, everyone who participated in Viv's Out On A Whim Egg Hunt will be revealing both the eggs they made and received, so we can check out each other's blogs and "hunt" for those who made/received our eggs!

The yellow cuties shown above are the eggs I made (I added a small hint of glitter to the flower's centers after the photo).

Here are the eggs I received!



A lovely aqua blue painted egg with red polka dots, rick rack trim and a lace and rose top. So perfect and gorgeous! And a cutout blue egg with glass glitter and a lovely scene inside of a sweet little duck and the cutest yellow flower buds inside. Stop the world, I am in love with an egg. I know have the most beautiful shelf ever (complete with roses my husband picked from his mom's rose bush)! If you prefer simple and sweet, this is what my Spring mantle looked like BEFORE!



How did Viv know that I was redecorating for Spring and adding blues to my pink/green room (it's no secret I have been aching to change the color theme for a while)? (making a storebought slipcover work and pillow redo room makeover post coming soon... I can't wait!)



I also made some cute robin's egg necklaces in the shop, this has red accents, and the other has ivory accents. A couple more will be listed within the next couple of days. Perfect for Spring!


He Lives by Simon Dewey

Today and yesterday is The 179th Annual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Salt Lake City. The conference will feature inspirational messages from members of the First Presidency, the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, and other General Authorities and general officers of the Church. You can watch or listen to the conference on the Internet. And next month, a dvd and magazine will be available of the conference as well. For information on worldwide broadcast times and options, see the broadcast schedule. Feel free to tune in!

I missed yesterday's conference due to a funeral for my wonderful sister in law's, sister. She was only 33 and died of cancer. It was a sad occasion, since she left 3 young children, but happy that she is no longer in pain and that she is reunited with friends and family. We Mormons belief that death is only another step in life, as we believe we can be sealed for time and all eternity as a family unit through Heavenly Father's plan of happiness.



I will probably post later about some of my favorite talk's from the conference. Even for those who don't believe in God or Jesus Christ or share our same beliefs, there is always an inspirational message that is uplifting. I especially love this one from last year, from President Dieter F. Uchtdorf: The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. You dont need money, position, or influence in order to create something of substance or beauty His full talk, entitled Happiness, Your Heritage, can be read HERE. I love this one!