Living Authentically



So, where to begin? Last year, I shared with you about the decision to divorce. We went back and forth for months but finally decided it was right, on our 10 year anniversary. Once we left our "church", a whole world of pain and possibilities and regrets opened up into our world. We realized our entire lives were based on a cultish lie and that really does something painful to a person's mindset. We thought we were strong enough to withstand it. But life has a funny way of sweeping you away and forcing you to look straight at the problems, which was especially hard for my husband who ended up going through an early mid-life crisis. It became this unhealthy, traumatic thing that could no longer continue as it unraveled layers of pain. It was a year of immense tragedy. So, it had to end, so that we could both find healing. We both deserve healing.

Trying to figure it out, as a new single mom of 3, how to support my family, how to gain control. Being a stay at home mom for the majority of my adult life gave very little hope of earning potential to do this. I worked three jobs at one point just to be able to move out of my house. I drowned sorrow in the horrific world of dating. We had just moved across the country with zero support system or network in the area and it seemed that was the only way to meet people. To make matters worse, leaving our church and getting a divorce meant that our entire social network within our church shunned us, family disowned us and friends chose sides between us. Many only saw the outside of a happy marriage and didn't look at the truth of it's demise, and I didn't want to do any mud slinging to protect my image. I recognize we both had to grow and were operating out of a place of pain. So really, I've been negotiating this world alone. I did meet a great person that turned into an amazing relationship but that didn't work out, so I've mostly been nursing my wounds and feeling basically, like a piece of garbage that is so easily thrown away by so many.

So at this point, I'm really just working hard on myself and my children's happiness. It hasn't been easy, but we are resilient. Finding new ways to connect and help them feel loved and stable sharing two homes. Brushing up on skills and embarking on a new career and seeing where life takes me has been my only sight of hope. I know so many people share similar stories of starting over and that's the only reason I share a very brief version of what happened in my life. I can say that every day is a struggle, but I am determined to be deeply happy, naysayers be damned. I still don't know how to drown out the pain that I feel during quiet moments, but it's something that I am actively working on. I won't have much time to share my home decorations and crafts like I used to love to do here on my blog, but I hope that through writing and finding other pieces of beauty to share, that healing will come in time, for myself and for readers alike.

People ask, if you hadn't left the church, you would still have your marriage, you wouldn't be going through all of this additional hardship. Would you still make the choice if you could to leave? And while that may be true, I would rather live an authentic life of truth. I found out the truth of the church as I was very actively defending it. Through thousands of hours of intense study, prayer and research, I realized I had been lied to and ensnared by a religion I once thought I loved and devoted my whole life to. There is hidden pain in the church that members don't speak of, many don't recognize it because there is a learned repression of cognitive dissonance and fear of spiritual manipulation of losing your eternal family and soul if you question it. So when members *do* discover it, it's an earthshattering pain to realize you have sacrificed your entire life for a huge, hurtful lie... but living under the banner of truth and the ability to finally think for myself... that's worth everything. I am mostly happy that I discovered the truth and escaped the cult before it entangled my children's lives. They were hurt by it too, but in their youth, they are able to heal more quickly. It's been so freeing, painful, but freeing and being free yields a calm peacefulness inside my soul that I never had before. The journey out of the church was difficult, but the inner peace and happiness I feel as a woman of honor and truth replaced any false happiness the church claimed to provide.

Are you a Mormon, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that is also having questions and deep doubts about it's truth claims and policies that are causing pain to people? Do you want to do your own research? Feel free to contact me and/or visit here. These
sites are all extremely well researched, sincere and not "anti".

 Mormon Think
CES Letter
Ask Reality - I suggest watching his videos 1-8 in that order
BBC Special with Jeffrey R Holland
Cult Education Institute - 10 Signs of a Cult - I read this list as a Mormon and didn't see how what they said was dangerous. After years of heavy research and allowing myself to look at it with a discerning eye, it terrified me to see all the warning signs exist in this religion.

Personal Style: A Family Easter Weekend

 (wearing my mom's vintage dress and some thrifted, red vintage shoes, necklace f 21. love them)

Our Easter weekend was busy and wonderful. Our church (edited to add: I discovered is a lie) had a temple outing and then headed off together for a little bbq and Easter egg hunt, followed by a slide show of everyone. A very lovely, very pleasant, somewhat stressful, very exhausting day. Our Sunday was full of reflections on Christ, chocolate, salsa and naps. I hope everyone's Easter was wonderful!

 

*Linked to: Clothed Much's Rule Breaking Monday

Homefront: Easter Mantel

 It feels like it's been a very long since since a mantel post, but really, it was only since the Valentine's mantel... I've probably changed it already about 4 times since then. But for some reason I only did the Easter mantel today... crazy late for me. I haven't posted a single Easter idea post this year. Here's last years Easter mantel, for reference sake. And though, personally, I'm less of a bright bunny rabbit, chicky Easter type gal, and more of a neutral and lovely, Lettered Cottage Spring decor girl, but I do it for the kids. They just love the holiday mantel changes, and it is growing on me as well.

I got this little big guy for $7.. he's adorable!

I think I've been so excited about seeing the Gregory Brothers/Auto Tune the News/ Schmoyoho for my birthday tonight that I haven't been thinking clearly. It's funny, the last concert I went to was on my 21st bday.

For Easter this year, we are doing a long church activity, complete with a little church field trip to our local temple and do some temple work as well. I really think it's going to be a wonderful experience and will help balance the spiritual side of Easter with the chocolate bunnies, colored eggs and jellybeans side.

 my favorite vintage bunny

 "He is not here, for He has risen, as He said." Matthew 28:6

“In our hour of deepest sorrow, we can receive profound peace from the words of the angel that first Easter morning: ‘He is not here: for he is risen.’”

“As one of His special witnesses on earth today, this glorious Easter Sunday, I declare that this is true, in His sacred name—even the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior—amen.”
—President Thomas S. Monson

Read, watch, or listen to President Monson’s April 2010 conference address “He Is Risen!”
You can also view the list of scriptures referenced in this video.

Family Time: Easter Traditions

Growing up, my favorite Easter tradition, was leaving goodies out for the Easter Bunny at night, and waking up to find milky paw prints and half eaten carrots and cookies. I loved the goodies and egg hunt as well of course, but there was that wonder, was the Easter bunny real, was it a little cute bunny rabbit or a large rabbit like the mascot costumed ones? I imagined it to be somewhere in between. My husband said he imagined the Easter bunny to be similar to the Velveteen Rabbit. I like that.

My boys were just as excited as I remember being as a child, Isaac exclaiming, "The Easter Bunny ate the carrot!" , when he very first saw the table in the morning.

I hope everyone had an enjoyable, relaxing and spiritual Easter Sabbath. I love these words spoken by Jeffrey R. Holland, an apostle of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints about the true meaning of Easter, the short online video entitled, "None Were With Him".

To see more of our family's shenangians, visit the whole post on my family blog. In the meantime, enjoy some of my favorite childhood Easter photos in the early 80's.

My older sis and me, taken when we lived in Hawaii.

Love/hate relationship with this juliette style bonnet. So pretty, so uncomfortable... like jelly shoes.

Intensely studying a candy or decoration of some kind. Not much has changed! Love those chairs and the Little Orphan Annie table.

This is our dance performance, (talent show maybe?) We danced to Peter Cottontale and it was sung to a recording of a woman singing in a 1940's almost Betty Boop chipmunk style voice. Loved it! I'm the little one (again, as usual) and my big sis is on the right of me with her arms out. The best part of the routine was when we turned around and shook our bunny tails!

Movin on Up

So, our internet is being turned off now while we move, and won't be up again for about a week. I will have lots of fun getting caught up on all of your lovely posts, and hopefully have some fun things to post about in our new place myself. Though unpacking instead of Christmas decorating isn't so exciting, I will have to live vicariously for a short time.

My shop is on standby until then, but I plan on having lots of new restyled vintage jewelry and Twilight jewelry up just in time for Christmas shopping.

In the meantime, have a lovely December! Try not to get too busy and remember the true meaning of Christmas! This Joy to the World video features a lovely Nativity story along with music from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. You can order it free from here. The Christmas message here is lovely as well, it has a wonderful video, family activites and music.

Family Time: Jumping on the Bed Gets You Closer to God

This weekend I visited my local antique mall and brought my camera! I have over 200 amazing photos to share with you and will be posting the best of the best this week, so do come back! (click on photos for larger view)


Mommy: (blow drying hair)
3 yr old: (jumping on mommy's bed)
Mommy: (putting on make-up)
3 yr old: I love Jesus
Mommy: You do? How come?
3 yr old: He loves me. He lives up high! (pointing to the sky)
Mommy: He does?
3 year old: Yeah, but he lives on Earth, too.
Mommy: uh-huh
3 year old: I'm going to die someday
Mommy: (silence)
3 year old: But it's okay because Jesus loves me.
Mommy: He does. I love you too!
3 year old: You're silly mommy
Mommy: (continues putting on make-up)
3 year old: (screaming contest with little brother ensues)



I try not to ask leading questions so I can see where my son goes with these conversations. He really likes to talk about God and the wonders of the Earth. I hope it never stops.



I know this letter has been around for a while, but I read it and it was a reminder that we should never underestimate our children. We should teach them that it is okay to not always agree, and to question authority at times lest something like this awful thing happens to them (video here, but don't watch if you upset easily. For a rundown sparring the details, in the video, the abused young girl says she did was she was told by the abuser because her parents taught her to never question what an adult told her to do).



Some day our precious little ones will grow up and may possibly rebel or go through other hardships and make our hearts ache, but that doesn't mean we can't open up our arms to them in those rough times. We have to remember, that if we do our part, they have to be trusted to eventually make their own decisions. I believe, that at a young age, a child can be led by the Spirit, as they are closer to the veil than we are. But as we age and we harden and the world bears down upon our children, we as parents and adults in general have to help guide our young. As the Prophet Joseph Smith once said, “I teach them {the children} correct principles, and they govern themselves." I love this talk, "Teaching Children to Govern Themselves" on the subject.



That has always been my goal, and just as long as my children know that I love them and want what is best for them, everything will be alright in the end if we keep our family strong. What is your goal when fostering your children up in this world?



Look at all of these Mormon related coloring pages and these non-denominational Christian pages I found for little ones. Great to keep them occupied in church instead of coloring in a Disney or dinosaur book!